Cheer-less Leaders

A short interview with one of those pot-bellied white-capped creatures roaming around in red-beaconed Ambassador cars-

Reporter: Sir, the inflation is growing by leaps and bounds every day, prices of crude oil have crossed $110 mark, the farmer suicides in Vidarbha are not stopping, its scorching summer and cities across the state are facing upto 15 hours of powercuts. What steps is your Government going to take to tackle this problems?

Neta: This are all trivial matters. We have a more important issue at hand that needs urgent attention. In today's Assembly session, our top priority will be to oppose the Opposition's recommendation that that the length of skirts of the cheerleader girls in IPL matches should be 6 inches. We have proposed that a length of 7 inches is ideal and our party is committed to fight till the end to ensure this crisis is solved.

If Well Begun Is Half Done...

Genre: Blabber

As far as exams go, this was as dramatic a start as one can ever think of.

It all started with the moment we got our question papers- for probably the first time in history of engineering exams, we had open ended 'Complete The Following' type of questions (similar to the ones found in language and Social Sciences papers of Std IX)!

One of the questions that had all of us in a fix went like this-

Piston Attenuator is ___________.
(Stumped? We all were! After all it was for the first time we all were hearing the word 'Piston Attenuator', leave aside knowing what the heck it is!)

As a result, we got to see some really creative answers, some of them highly interesting like these-

Piston Attenuator is a type of attenuator. (Oh really?)

Piston Attenuator is used in many applications. (If not, why would it exist?)

Piston Attenuator is used in cars (Piston.. cars.. sounds fitting)

Piston Attenuator is bad. (This one takes the cake!)

Adding to the chaos was the fact that for supervision, we had in our class The Great Billas- known all over for his amazing command over the English language- it is a little known fact that this gentleman has inspired many a film comedians from Javed Jaffery in Salaam Namaste to Anil Kapoor in Tashan; he shot to overnight fame in our college (and neighbouring ones too) with his "Once Gones The Gones" -an ingenious translation of the Hindi phrase "Ek baar jo gaya so gaya". Coming back to today- When some enterprising students told him that the question paper has some out of syllabus questions, he shot back-

"After over the paper complain that."

As if this was not enough, just as we managed to scrap through the 'Complete The Following' questions, a bigger shock awaited us- a question asked us to 'explain how to produce coloured patterns' (why dont they ask this at Asian Paints factory instead)- now anything remotely related to coloured patterns that we have heard of is in the subject called Communication Systems- a paper scheduled for next Monday, not today.

By this time the subject teacher was here and one student, who, just to vent out his frustration, asked tounge-in-cheek whether we could write about the colour pattern generation from Communication Systems subject, got the shock of his life when the teacher replied "Kuch bhi likho, chalega!". (By the way this is the same teacher who gave me marks for all 4 questions in the 'Attempt any 3 out of 4 questions' type Mid Semester test a couple of months back, resulting in me getting a cool 30 on 30- or should I call it 30 on 40! But that's a different matter altogether.)

More surprises were in store- as we went upto Q 4b, which was a numerical problem- after some tedious calculations we arrived at a value of the asked capacitance as -712.5! Eureka! We discovered Negative Capacitance!! Wait- before you think of sending me the Chemistry Nobel Prize for 2008, this discovery as of now exists only on our answer sheets! (For the non-scientific minded souls- capacitance is a measure oif a physical quantity just like weight, volume etc and hence it is always a positive value.)

Again, when this was brought to the notice of the teacher who set the paper (by now it was obvious what we always doubted- that she sets the paper by randomly opening any page of the book and the topic fist seen is put in the question paper- and probably while checking allots marks by throwing a pair of dice and noting the value appearing on its top faces!), she nonchalantly replied- "if its negative, let it remain negative. Don't worry." Ahem!

By the end of it, I just felt like asking the teacher- "kya aap paanchvi paas se tez hai?"

PS: I hope nobody from Times Of India is reading this, else this will appear tomorrow on the front page going by the enthusiasm that these people have in maligning the reputation of my college in whatsoever ways possible.

PPS: "After over the paper complain that." in Normal English means "After the paper gets over, complain about that."

BREAKING NEWS: It has emerged that the subject teacher had outsourced the task of setting up the paper in question to a professor famously (or, infamously) known as RaPa. This explains the flustered look on her face on seeing the question paper herself!

The IPL Tamasha

Genre: Blabber

Today as the Indian Premier League, or IPL, has sent the entire nation into a frenzy, we ask some special people to voice their opinion about the event. Some more opinions are awaited.

Arjun Singh: From next season, 27% seats in all stadiums will be reserved for OBC spectators.

Aishwarya Rai: (Giggles).... (Giggles again)..

Pervez Musharraf: The Indians have forcefully taken away my players. I will complain to Bush uncle about it. And Kashmir is a part of Pakistan.

Rakhi Sawant: Ye log apne aap ko samajhte kya hai.. Shahrukh Khan aur Preity Zinta naachte hai to chalta hai, main naachu to sabko problem hota hai.. meri to koi izzat hi nahi hai.. blah..blah..blah..

Ram Gopal Varma: I am planning a remake of this series. It will be called "Ram Gopal Varma Ki IPL"

Raj Thackerey: I want that 80% players in all teams should be Marathi speaking, or else we will launch an agitation

Manmohan Singh: I will ask Sonia madam and let you know.

Mukesh Ambani: IPL? What IPL?

A Beautiful Dream

Genre: Fiction

It was on a long train journey that I first met her. She arrived in my life as if a beautiful angel was sent by Him. It did not take any time for us to get along and then began a journey that I would remember forever as the most beautiful dream of my life.

Our destination was a little town by the hills. On our first day in town, as we had a sweet long walk by the winding lanes, her company made me feel so blissful. The tall conifers swaying in the mild wind seemed to be welcoming us at every corner. Back to our abode post dusk, as we sat having dinner, the warmth of her company made me forget the chilling cold outside. By the time we went to bed, I was sure of one thing- this was a dream coming true.

And it did. And how! The next morning as we left the town for a sweet little abode nestled among the blue mountains, the long journey seemed so short and satisfying with her being besides me. We stopped enroute, and as we sat enjoying the sweet sounds of the gushing white waters of the stream accompaning us as the sun set behind the mountains, everything seemed so serene, so blissful.

And then it only got better- we spent the next two days in this lovely hill resort enjoying long drive up the mountains, playing in the snow, sharing experiences and shivering in the freezing cold as we went around shopping by the rows of colorful stalls adornin the place. And when that was done, we cuddled in the warmth of our room, whispering sweet nothings as the night darkened...

And the ultimate icing on the cake came on the last day before we bid goodbye to this amazing place. As we walked upto a little temple nestled among dense conifers, it started snowing- soft little white snowflakes being sprinkled from the skies as if He wanted to bless us from above! And amidst this as we stroll around, nothing else seemed to matter. The world around seemed to have come to a standstill with only me and her and the beautiful flowers in the meadows and the snow-white mountains kissing the clouds in the distance! Heaven!

But like all good things in life, this had to come to an end. The journey coming to an end, I got down from the train at the station while she was to continue her journey further. As the train departed, I stood on the platform, one eye fixed on the window where she was sitting. I knew she would turn back. And she did. Our eyes met, my heart skipped a beat, my face lightened up with a smile. And with it ended a week that will remain forever in my life as A Beautiul Dream!

And Then Friendship Died...?

Genre: Blabber

There was a time, not too long ago, when friends were the coolest thing to happen in life for college-going teenagers. And then, times changed and relationships took over the coveted crown. Suddenly, especially for the females, a boyfriend was considered to be the coolest thing to possess since iPod. And with it began a race among the girls to pick up the most happening and hot guys around before others could put their hands over them (literally and figuratively). Some succeeded at first go, some opted for the trial and error method but eventually almost every girl worth her name managed to catch hold of atleaset one guy though the same cannot be said about the guys themselves (damn Darwin and his Theory of Evolution which gives the girls an unfair advantage of being the choosers). And with this, friendship began to die a slow death.

With their boyfriends and their relationships occupying a place of prominence in their heads, every move by any male creature began to be scrutinized as his supposed attempt to enter a relationship by most of the girls. The same girls who used to hang out and have a great time with their male friends began to suspect their motives and distance themselves under the pretext of being 'loyal' to their boyfriends. The alacrity so prominently visible in their body language got replaced by apprehension and uneasiness. The fact that a bond of innocent sweet friendship binds two people together more than anything else got conviniently sidelined as the bonding with their boyfriends hogged all the attention. And knowingly or unknowingly most girls lost the inherent human quality of taking independent decisions as every decision of theirs now preceded with "My boyfriend said that.." or " my boyfriend does not like this" and the likes.

However all is not lost yet. The spirit of friendship is so strong that it has the ability to rise from the ashes like a phoenix. We can hope for a day to come soon when this passing craze will subdue and once again it will be reaffirmed that true friends are the only real assets and pillars of strength who stand against the winds of time and make life more enjoyable and happening to a level which is impossible to reach by anyone else. The sooner the girls realise this the better it will be. For them as well as for the world.