Maharashtra Government cha Maths

Genre: Blabber

Maharashtra Government seems to be using a number system that is totally unfathomable to common citizens like us. See this two examples-

1) On Thursday, the central government dispatched 80 NSG Commandos to Mumbai to fight the terrorists followed by another batch of 90 Commandos. When Maharashtra CM was asked how many Commandos were pressed into service, his reply- 350.

So, in Maharashtra Government Number System,
80 + 90 = 350

2) On Sunday, Mumbai Fire Brigade Chief declared that 160 dead bodies were recovered from Taj, 60 from CST station and 10 from Leopold Cafe. Even after this, in the press conference, Maharashtra CM and his Deputy stressed repeatedly that the total number of casualties in the Mumbai attacks is 172.

So, in Maharashtra Government Number System,
160 + 60 + 10 = 172

Earlier I used to doubt our neta log are illiterate, now I am sure!

Now What Next?

Genre: Blabber

Mumbai has been finally liberated from the dozen-odd terrorists who held the city to ransom for three full days. Though they called themselves "Deccan Mujaheddin" (Raj must be happy- see they included the local culture in their name), the evidence is enough for even a blind donkey to tell that Pakistan is involved in the attacks. So, the obvious question on everyone's mind is the same- "Now, what next?"

All the customary "strong steps will be taken" bullshit ain't gonna work anymore. It will take just two bold steps to end this forever-

Step 1: Nuke the Pakis. Five nuclear warheads...on five Agni/Prithvi/Akash missiles... fire simultaneously... Karachi, Lahore, Islamabad, Rawalpindi, Multan. Don't give them any time to react. A conventional war against Pakistan will only result in Mumbai and/or Delhi being nuked by the gobar-headed donkeys who control Pakistan Army. Don't give them this chance at all. It has to be One Shot on the Dot and game over. Na rahega Pakistan, na rahenge terrorists. As far as US reaction is concerned, there is no need to fear- Uncle Sam is too busy trying to get itself out of the quicksand of economic depression. There is absolutely no way they can afford to get to war with India as a "revenge" for their best friend Pakistan.

Step 2: Catch hold of ALL politicians, ruling and opposition (this shouldn't be difficult at all considering the fact that half of them can't even walk on their own, forget running away or hiding), hole them up in one big room (Parliament House will do) and blow it off! It's high time to undertake India's biggest pest-control operation.

India needs a messiah. Who will it be???

Meet The F_ckers

Genre: Current Affairs

Enough has been said about the bastards who held Mumbai to ransom for three days starting this Wednesday and all the abuses one can use are cumulatively not enough to describe them so I will not get into that. What has been more shameful and irritating are the actions and statements by the vote-hungry assholes who rule India. Check this out-

On Thursday, 27th Nov, in the Press Conference, Maharashtra State Government issues a statement - "We were not told by the Central Government that such an attack is going to happen. So, we were unprepared."
Ok boss. Point taken. Next time onwards we shall ask the terrorists to send an official notification of every planned attack to you seven working days in advance so that you can be prepared.

The same evening Narendra Modi says that Gujarat ATS had warned Mumbai ATS about a possible strike in Mumbai seven days ago. Caught red-handed, in a desparate attempt to save their reputation, on Saturday, 29th Nov, in another Press Conference, RR Patil proudly announces "We had intelligence information that such an attack may happen since the last two weeks."
If that is the case, what was the Maharashtra Government doing? Sitting over the information and hatching eggs?

The Central Government is no better. On Thursday, Mannu Singh and Advani visited the attack sites in two separate chartered planes while the 200 NSG Commandoes were made to wait for two hours because "there were no planes available at Delhi airport". Finally an ancient IL-76 plane which took a grand three hours to fly from Delhi to Mumbai was assigned to these commandoes.
What priorities!

As if all this was not enough, that ass RR Patil even dares to say- "Bade bade shehero me aise chhote haadse hote rehte hai".
Inspired by DDLJ? If this is a "small incident", what is big?

When the media and citizens of India asked Maharashtra Chief Minister Vilasrao Deshmukh to step down, he blatantly says- "There is no need for me or RR Patil to resign. Nothing that demands such a step has happened."
Yeah right. After all, 200 innocent people getting killed is not big enough a reason to give up a chair that is the gateway to earning hundreds of crores of rupees.

Finally, a ray of hope came when Mannu Singh declared that "strong steps will be taken against Pakistan" but that vanished the moment the 'strong steps' were elaborated. The steps to be taken are as follows-

1) Indian Government is going to request Pakistan to stop terrorist activities.
How nice! And what do they expect? Like a goody goody little kid, Pakistan will reply- "Ok sir. Give me one chocolate and I will not do this from tomorrow."???

2) India is thinking of stopping cross-border trade and terminating bus and train services to Pakistan.
What the hell is there to think in this? Anyways the only major commodity that India gets from Pakistan through cross-border trade are terrorists.

Now I do not know whom I hate more- the terrorists or the politicans.

Dark Reality

Genre: Current Affairs

After spending enormous time, efforts and public money on creating a feeling of hatred for everything North Indian, especially Bihari, Maharashtra Government has has been hit by the perfect irony- the state’s thermal power plants have coal stocks that can meet only one day’s power generation requirement! So, unless Maharashtra's six thermal power plants continue to receive a steady supply of coal on a daily basis to meet daily needs, they will have to shut down eventually resulting in a complete grid collapse!

So, where is this daily supply of coal coming from? Like it or hate it- Bihar and Jharkhand! Trainloads of coal from North-East India's Coal Belt is keeping Maharashtra "power"ful. Perfect time for Biharis to hit back at Maharashtra- stop these coal trains from going to Maharashtra for just one day and see the fun - total Maharashtra in darkness!

Alas! Lalu is no Raj Thackrey!

Where is the Money?

Genre: Current Affairs

USA is crying hoarse about wealth being swept away, Germany has already declared recession, Indian investors are crying over all the money being drained out... if everybody in the world is losing money, where is all the money going?

The Large Hadron Collider is to blame. The fear has come true. The dreaded Black Hole has indeed been created and all the money of the world is being sucked into it!

Amen!