27 Before 27

Genre: Random

27 Things I want to do before I turn 27-

1. Drive from New York to Los Angeles. Cross country road trip.

2. Watch the Aurora Boreales (Northern Lights)

3. Gatecrash a party, (and not get thrown out)

4. Spend a day at Maho Beach at Princess Juliana International Airport, St. Marteen

5. Go to an American Football game and chant "Ganpati Bappa Morya" and make the crowd do the same.

6. Own a car. In USA. With my own money.

7. Travel Jammu to Kanyakumari by Himsagar Express. Non AC.

8. Travel First Class on the Airbus A380

9. Attend a college friend's wedding

10. Do a portrait photoshoot of a non-professional model

11. Write an article for a mainstream newspaper

12. Publish a research paper.

13. Go on a cruise

14. Go Sky diving

15. Drive a Ferrari in Florida

16. Ride a hot air balloon

17. Have a cozy little house of my own. Apartment, condo, rented, leased, anything will do.

18. Ride the Amtrak's Train Number 1/2 Sunset Limited. California to Florida.

19. See at least one piece of writing by me get published in a book or a magazine

20. Own any Apple iThing

21. Propose a girl ekdum romantic filmy style- surprise, red rose et al

22. Have an exhibition event displaying my photographs

23. Learn a foreign language, preferably Spanish

24. Ride the TGV or Shinkansen. Wait, make that both!

25. Watch penguins, polar bears and blue whales in their natural habitat, in short go to Arctic or Antarctic

26. Visit the top of Burj Khalifa

27. Set foot on at least one location on all six continents. South America, Africa, Australia remaining as of now.

As you can imagine, completing this list is gonna require time, money and good company. If you would like to provide any/all of these, welcome aboard!

P.S.: If this "inspires" you to write your own dream-list, please mention in the comments or leave a link to your blog.

Sapne Rangeen

Genre: College Life

Scene at a typical Engineering Company Information Session during Job Fair at a big US University

(Room has 3 company representatives, one stereotypical corporate PPT on the screen, 25-odd graduate students, around 50% of them Indian, and one large table with half a dozen boxes of pizza)

Company Representative: (after 15 minutes of reading from PowerPoint slides) Okay, that was all about us. There are many reasons why you should consider joining our company...

Indian Student: (wonders) Hhmm.. let's hear...

Rep: We offer three weeks paid vacation per year...

Stud: Ok...

Rep: We have casual environment at the office. You can come wearing shorts, watch sports on big screen...

Stud: Sounds good...

Rep: Our company provides housing, transport, and free gourmet organic delicacies at the office food court...

Stud: Niice...

Rep: We provide full health insurance, dental and vision plans, retirement benefits,...

Stud: Awesome. Mast hai...

Rep: We have weekend activities like trekking, scuba diving, dinners, happy hours, movie nights,...

Stud: Brilliant... kya sahi company hai yaar...

Rep: Once a year we have a Summer Party where we hire an entire island off the Atlantic coast and its a huge carnival- you know, beaches, babes, booze,...

Stud: Woooowwww!!! This is heavenly!!!

Rep: (after 40 minutes of company-ki-laal-karing) So, anyone has any questions?

Stud: Do you hire international students?

Rep: Er.. no.

Stud: BEHEN#%@&.!!! :|

(Angrily grabs two slices of pizza and walks out)

Dare To Think Beyond Reality

Genre: Current Affairs

Since the last several years, IIPM, an institute run by a maverick going by the name of Dr. Arindham Chaudhari has been issuing full page color advertisements in leading newspapers across India boasting about its "world class facilities" along with a tagline that goes "Dare To Think Beyond The IIMs".


What do the students who dared to think beyond the IIMs and enrolled at IIPM, lured by the famous promise of "free laptops" and "foreign tours" land up in is evident to anyone who visits the IIPM website that proclaims it to be "The Largest B-School on Earth". The final nail in the coffin of this all-claims-no-substance institute came yesterday when the University Grants Commission issued this ad clarifying that IIPM is not a University!

Not the one to sit quiet, IIPM and the oh-so-great Dr Chaudhari came up with this brilliant piece of explanation that is a perfect example of "digging one's own grave".

Let's go through the various points presented by His Highness Dr. Arindham Chaudhari The Great-

"IIPM like the IIMs in India is neither an university nor has it ever claimed to be one"

Hey wait! All these years you told us 'Dare to Think Beyond the IIMs' and you start your letter with a comparison with the IIMs. What is this yaar?

"And exactly like the IIMs in India, IIPM does not offer any degrees."

Phir vohi baat? Dude, think beyond the IIMs na!

"The institute has pioneered the practice of making laptops a part of the package offered to every students, along with the global tour called GOTA."

GOTA?? ROFL! Aur kuch naam nahi mila kya?

"IIPM is a private institution, ie. it is entirely funded by student fees. While in the US, Harvard and Stanford are also private, the Indian education system does not recognize private institutions as yet in a similar manner."

Aai Shappath! Kya comparison hai boss! Maan gaye!

"ISB, the IITs and other leading institutions do not accept AICTE's standards."

Pehle IIMs, then Stanford-Harvard, now ISB-IIT, arre bhai decide karo na tumko exactly kiska copy maarna hai?

"In 2005, an article was published by a small time sensationalist college paper called JAM magazine. Rashmi Bansal, the owner and editor of JAM and her associates began a campaign against the institute on the internet, using blogs - a typical means used to spread slander against reputed brands by jealousy ridden frustrated wannabees."

Really? Jealousy ridden frustrated wannabe? That's YOU, dude!

"The Indian blogging community (or blogosphere, as it likes to call itself) is essentially a bitchy, self-indulgent and an almost incestuous network comprising journalists, wannabe-writers and a massive army of geeks who give vent to their creative ambitions on the internet."

Waah! Waah! Kya gyaan diya Arindam saheb! Tussi great ho!

"IIPM, alongside Harvard and Wharton, does not believe the rankings conducted by publications reflect the quality of business education."

"IIPM has been consistently ranked among India's top business school by several leading newspapers and magazines, since 2003."

Okay, so we should NOT believe you are among India's top business schools, right? Thank you. Finally you accepted the reality!

I have only one advice for you, Dr. Arindham Chu-dhari- Dare To Think Beyond Bullshit.

Virtual Tour...of Real Lies!

Genre: India

Off late, anyone with a spare building and a couple of unemployed graduates willing to masquerade themselves as "professors" is out opening "world-class" Management Institutes and Engineering Colleges all over India, and their websites are, amusing to say the least. Here are some samples-

Hot chick: check; studious girl: check; sardarji: check; orthodox Muslim girl: check; firang blonde: check; mandatory black guy: check! Mall me se Rs 50 deke utha laaye sabko, haath me ek book pakda diya, smile for a group photo and bingo! Ho gaya "cultural diversity"

Waah! Kya naam hai! Only one small problem- the photo on the website homepage isn't quite "accurate"!

US university style logo, in-our-dreams campus ka ek photo, mandatory "cute chick" and suited-booted-guys and here we go! Website ready!

I bet that brunette on the homepage has never even heard the name of this university! And dude, what's that? Gaudy golden convocation gowns? Kaunse maharishi ke shishya ho bhai tum?

Hey wait! Didn't you guys just tell us to think beyond the IIMs?

...run by the biggest ass on Earth!

I cannot help but make an honorable mention here of a certain institute that has withstood the test of time and market trends as far as design of its website goes. Please have a look-

Un-commonwealth Games

Genre: India

I have been told there is something called Commonwealth Games that will start in New Delhi in 80 days from now and will bring hundreds of foreign athletes. But considering general lack of interest among Indians in any game that is not cricket, and the incomplete infrastructure at the "Games Village", I think it would be better off if the Indian Government shifts the event out into the streets of Delhi and instead of the usually boring events, add some variety to it by featuring some uncommon events like these-

1. Yamuna Survival Race

Instead of swimming up and down in crystal clear waters of swimming pools, participants will be given the more challenging task of swimming in the dark thick mucky water-like liquid that flows in Yamuna, their path blocked by hundreds of strategically placed floating plastic bags, bottles and bathing buffalos. This will drain out (no pun intended) the participants and will attract huge crowds.

2. Rapist Run

This will be a women-only event where the participants will have to smartly dodge several men out to grope them on roads and possibly rape them in cars. Hundreds of experienced volunteers from GRAD (Gropers & Rapists Association of Delhi) have expressed interest in providing their service for this event. "I have groped and passed lewd comments at more than 500 women so far in parks and roads of Central Delhi during my career and I am excited about the service we can provide during the Games", said Pappu Sharma, GRAD chairaman.

3. New Delhi station Obstacle Course

In this event, participants will be brought to New Delhi railway station with instructions to board particular trains, and the controllers will shift the arrival of the train from, say, Platform No. 3 to Platform No. 16 just two minutes prior to arrival, thereby challenging the participants to make their way through the stampede of thousands of passengers, strewn luggage and narrow bridges to make it to the right platform in time. An insider said, this event will be made more challenging by not announcing the coach position of arriving trains or displaying random coach positions to make the run even more difficult for the participants. Jaspal Singh, controller at New Delhi 'B' cabin gushed, "We have been doing this on a daily basis since years now, you know it gives an adrenaline rush, now I am glad we have been asked to do the same for the Games!"

4. BMW presents Dodge Me If You Can

This event will involve participants dodging their way, saving their life across streets of Greater Kailash as a bunch of drunk sons of rich influential businessmen prowl in their BMWs to run them over. This event has brought a lot of excitement among GK-2 residents, evident in the voice of Raj Malhotra who gushed, "I have my BMW M6 Coupe ready and raring to go! I can't wait to hit the streets and try running over a few hapless participants! I have already challenged Bunty that I can mow down more pedestrians than his X3! Yo man! It's gonna be fun!"

5. Shoot Red Beacons

This is probably the most interesting event and will be held on Rajpath and Janpath. Similar to clay shooting, this will comprise of participants standing at vantage points between India Gate and Rashtrpati Bhawan ready to shoot as many red beacon lights as possible installed atop the passing Ambassadors and other VIP cars. It is estimated that every participant will get around 78 targets to shoot considering the number of red-beacon VIP cars seen in this area on any given day. "Getting crowd to see this event will not be a problem", explained a mamber of Games organing committee, "because anyways whenever any VIP cars are passing, we stop all traffic on all sides for 30 minutes or more, resulting is massive traffic jams. I am sure we will provide wholesome entertainment to the common citizens of Delhi by this event."

________________

Note from the writer-

Do not worry. Nothing of this sort will happen.

To experience the best Indian hospitality
Visit Delhi for the Commonwealth Games 2010

!ncredible !ndia welcomes you!