Conference Rooms

In Office Buildings,

HOW CONFERENCE ROOMS ARE NAMED:

The We-Are-Global Company

The We-Are-Universal Company

The We-Are-Cute Company

The We-Love-Science Company

The We-Are-Cool-Geeks Company

HOW CONFERENCE ROOMS SHOULD BE NAMED:

Seriously, who ever thought employees who have a meeting to attend in the middle of a workday would love spending fifteen minutes roaming across the building scratching their heads trying to figure out where the heck is Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone Conference Room? 

The Great Airline Showdown

Genre: Travel

Now that I have done trans-continental journeys between India and the United States by five different airlines, one from each of the five different broad categories available for India-US travel i.e. US based airline, India based airline, cheap Gulf based airline, posh Gulf based airline and Europe based airline, it’s time to pitch them against each other in the Great Airline Showdown!

The table above summarizes my experience with each of the airlines for impatient people. If you have the patience, a detailed review follows below. Some disclaimers before we start off-

• This is purely my personal opinion based on one personal experience on each of the airlines, so don’t come to kill me if you experience something drastically different on your flights from what I mention here.
• The flights considered for comparison are- Delta’s Mumbai-Atlanta non-stop (no longer in existence), Jet Airways’ Mumbai-Brussels-Newark, Kuwait Airways’ Mumbai-Kuwait-London-New York, Qatar Airways’ Mumbai-Doha-Washington and Lufthansa’s Mumbai-Frankfurt-Dallas.

Seats

On ultra-long haul transcontinental flights in Economy class, my biggest concern (and nightmare) is the seat comfort and legroom. This is the single most important thing that can make or ruin (mostly ruin) the 20-odd hour journey. My first experience was on Delta’s Boeing 777 with 3-3-3 seating, and it being my first long haul flight I was distracted by a lot of things but I do remember the legroom was just enough to sit without poking your knees into the seat ahead. Jet Airways Airbus 330 is almost the same when it comes to legroom but I prefer the 2-4-2 layout because now you have to disturb only one person (as opposed to two in B777) every time you want to get up to go to the loo (or to the galley to nick some free chocolates and snacks). Kuwait Airways’ 3-3-3 and the legroom is as good (or bad) as Delta while Lufthansa again scores for the 2-4-2 layout. The clear winner here is Qatar with its generous legroom that makes up for the 3-3-3 layout. This was the only flight on which I could actually comfortably rest without wriggling around like a fish taken out of water.

Ambiance

When it comes to ambience and interiors of the plane, all five airlines more or less represented their origins. Delta has clean and functional but blah interiors showing the typical I-don’t-care American attitude. Same thing for Lufthansa. It has everything that should be there, but don’t expect unnecessary glamour. Typical European. Kuwait Airways is the worst of the lot, what with torn seat covers, dirty toilets and seats that either stay only reclined or not recline at all. On the other hand, Jet Airways has nice LED lighting, moisturizers and deodorants in the washroom.. the little things that make you feel good. And of course, the winner in this category is Qatar with its multi-color mood lighting that simulates time of the day, amenity kits for all passengers including toothpaste, brush etc and nice well-maintained planes.

Staff

The female flight attendants on Delta are straight out of old-age home, so aged that I felt bad asking them to bring something for me. Kuwait Airways has a random mix of European, Chinese, Indian flight attendants (surprisingly none Middle-Eastern) and it’s a hit or miss depending on whom you have on your side of the plane. Lufthansa’s all-European cabin crew is charming, smiling but will stick exactly to their prescribed duty schedules. Nothing more, nothing less. Qatar and Jet Airways both score high on friendly, smiling, helpful crew that goes out of their way to make you feel good, whether it is by bringing extra ice cream and chocolates for the kids or chatting and joking with the passengers.

Food

Food! The only thing that I look forward to on long haul flights. The only thing that breaks the monotony of sitting and staring at a screen for hours. I have always ordered Asian Vegetarian Meal on all flights, so that makes the comparison fair. In this department Lufthansa disappoints. Big time. First, their definition of Indian meal is rice and random vegetables in gravy for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Second, someone needs to explain them that Indian gravies have oil.. that seeps.. into other things packed with it. I had the (mis)fortune of eating (or throwing away) puri soaked in oil from veg korma, with salty gaajar ka halwa on one flight, and water soaked roti with rubbery paneer bhurji in another. Now before you jump on me claiming that it was my fault ordering Indian food on non-Indian airline, well, other non-Indian airlines have fared remarkably well in this department. Delta served decent dinner and quite good idli and masala dosa; Kuwait Airways, in spite of being low in other departments, scored a winner here with finger-licking delicious meals, and once again Qatar and Jet Airways won the way to my heart through my stomach! Worth noting here is Jet Airways serving Pav Bhaji (yes, tasty Pav Bhaji!) and Ragda Pattice onboard and also Belgian chocolate ice cream. None of the other airlines had an ice-cream after the meals.

Entertainment

In-seat screens with several dozen movies and TV shows is the norm across airlines these days, so not much to compare here. Just a couple of notable points- some of Lufthansa’s dinosaur era Boeing 747 do not have individual screens and I had to bear one such flight, with only two bulky CRT monitors in the aisle playing random stuff. Kuwait Airways technically has in-seat screens but you have a better chance of winning a lottery than getting a working screen on this plane. In my flights, some screens worked only when you bang them, one screen worked with remote from adjacent seat, and some screens randomly turned black and white from color!

Punctuality

Touch wood, by God’s grace, all my transcontinental flights across airlines have always been more or less right on time at departure and arrival, except two incidents- the Jet Airways plane developed a technical snag at Brussels that delayed it by an hour, but the staff made up for it by promptly distributing vouchers for passengers to go around and buy fine Belgian chocolates! On other occasion the Kuwait Airways plane encountered a problem before takeoff from Kuwait and everyone sat in a stationary plane in the desert for two hours “celebrating” turn of the New Year (00:00 Jan 1^st local time!) as apparently “someone had gone to the store to bring the replacement part” according to the pilots. 

Connection Hub

Today, unless you are flying to New Jersey, any journey from Mumbai to United States involves at least one change of flight, so it matters what is the condition of the connecting hub. My Delta flight was non-stop to Atlanta but since I had to take an onward domestic flight I will consider Atlanta as the connecting hub for it. Hartsfield Jackson International is the world’s busiest airport and it shows. The place is huge, and the gates have minimal seating, so the whole place resembles CST railway station with people squatting on the floor. Kuwait Airways is test of endurance as you have to first transit through Kuwait City ST Bus Depot, which for some reason is called Kuwait International Airport, and then through hell-hole of the world- London Heathrow! Qatar’s Doha hub is better than Kuwait but nothing to write home about, unless of course you love taking a long bus ride through desert to reach your plane from the terminal. If you love watching planes and aviation, Lufthansa’s Frankfurt hub is absolute HEAVEN for the sheer quantity and variety of planes on display, but for regular travelers it is laid out in a very confusing manner, and yes, it is no fun to get out in minus 15 degree C to board a bus to take you to the plane. Brrrr! Jet Airways’ Brussels hub is cool- not too confusing, clean and spacious, and all connecting flights arrive and departure from adjacent gates so no walking around.   

Crowd

On any India-US flight there is a probability approaching one that there will be lots of desi kaka, characterized by asking for alcohol every single time a drinks trolley passes by and standing up in the aisle as soon as the plane has touched down on the runway. On any flight heading to a Middle Eastern country, a good proportion of passengers are workers going there for manual labour, who have obviously got into a plane for the first time in their life, and it shows. On Qatar it was okay, but Kuwait Airlines simulates experience of boarding a train from LTT to Gorakhpur. The most well-behaved and classy crowd is on Lufthansa- I was pleasantly surprised to see not one person standing up from their seats after we touched down in Mumbai, right upto the point where the flight attendants announced that the doors are open. Rare sight!

Conclusion

It is commonly known fact that people buying tickets for India-US journeys look at only three things while making their decision- price, price and price. Nothing wrong it in, especially for people who just want to go from Point A to Point B by hook or by crook, but you need to remember that you get what you paid for. In my comparison, Kuwait Airways fares quite badly per se, but when put in perspective that I paid only $900-odd for the roundtrip compared to $1200-1400 I have had to pay for the other four, it’s not a bad deal.  That being said, it makes sense sometimes to look a little below the first (cheapest) option on the website- the slight extra paid might be well worth the experience. Bon Voyage! 

The Ultimate Guide to Indian Train Travel

The Ultimate Guide to Indian Train Travel

Why am I writing this? Because of the hordes of western tourists who decide to travel by choice by unreserved Second Class in an Indian train in spite of seven more comfortable classes available, then go home and write blogs criticizing "how pathetic and dirty all Indian trains are". The next person doing this shall be dragged back to India and locked inside a dirty toilet in a similar unreserved Second Class coach of Kurla-Gorakhpur Express in peak summer. If you ever need to travel by an Indian train, the following guidance will be more than sufficient to have a pleasant trip. Or maybe not. 

In spite of economic progress and India Shining and low cost airlines and multi-axle Volvo buses with leather seats and in-seat TV screens and six lane expressways and swanky cars, chances are if you are in India, at some point your travels will involve taking the Indian Railways. And although the AC coaches are more comfortable and delicate-traveler-friendly, there is no better way to enjoy India and enjoy a journey than the humble Sleeper class coach of an Indian Railways train. The typical Sleeper class journey experience involves the following stages-

1. The Reservation

In the pre-internet days, getting a confirmed sleeper class reservation on any train required an elaborate ritual of heading to the Reservation counter at the local railway station, filling up a detailed form, waiting in a serpentine queue for hours in heat or cold or rain, encountering either a totally disinterested or an overly enthusiastic clerk and praying to your deity of choice to receive a rectangular blue and white dot-matrix printed ticket. When the internet age came along, Indian Railways thought this experience should be recreated online and with this sole purpose in mind was created the great IRCTC website. At 8am every morning, thousands of frustrated Indians religiously use some selective words against imaginary mother and sister of IRCTC website, but after an hour of drama, you will eventually get a confirmed reservation. Except when you don't- in which case you will be pulled into a complicated system of Waitlist and RAC and Tatkal and agents. For the moment lets assume you were spared that experience and you have a confirmed sleeper ticket. On to the next step.

2. The Hope

On the day of travel, once you have negotiated your way through the maze of passengers and their relatives and reached your coach, every male passenger stops outside the door and goes into a dream sequence imagining romance blooming on the train with a pretty female co-passenger like it happened in a couple of  Bollywood movies, then opens his eyes, carefully goes through the Reservation chart pasted outside the coach, expecting some F21, F19 passengers but rather finds all middle aged uncles or families assigned seats around him and makes a slow walk to his berth. If you are traveling by an Indian train for the first time, do not forget this step. It is an essential one.

3. The Adjustment

If you are boarding from the starting station of a train the first thirty minutes after boarding will be spent in The Great Indian Adjustment Game. If boarding from an intermediate station, you have lost the game before having a chance to make your move. Irrespective of what berth you have been assigned, there will  always be some passenger who would want you to exchange it with his/her berth. A six year old brat kid will invariably start Occupy Window Seat movement forcing himself onto your lap or squeezing himself in between you and the window. Families of four with two reserved berths and twelve pieces of luggage will make themselves comfortable on a part of your berth after shovelling their bags in every inch of available space below the seats. Do not get scared by this experience. This is the best ice-breaker ever. Once you have successfully adjusted yourself to everyone's satisfaction, you will reap the benefits of it in the next step.

4. The Food

Depending on your luck, your train may or may not have a Pantry Car. If it has one, you will get to see the ultimate example of standardization in the world- every single meal item sold on every train will look and taste exactly the same. One one journey from Mumbai to Jammu, I was served exact same gravy, but called Aloo Mutter at lunch, Chana Masala at dinner and Chhole at the second day's lunch. This is the time to reap benefits of the previous step. Tha families around you will always have enough food to feed a small African country for a week and they will happily share it with you. Try everything. It is the most fun part of a train journey, but do not overeat, because then you will have to use the toilet, which takes us to the next step.

5. La Loo

Sleeper class coaches on Indian trains have Western and Indian style toilets but there is no guarantee that there will be posterior-cleaning supplies available, neither western nor Indian. The trick is to observe around the coach carefully to see if people walking up and down the aisle are carrying empty water bottles or not. If they are, you should also carry one to the loo. Trust me, you will not regret this. Once inside, you will experience cool breeze hitting your posterior. Look down and you will witness a facility unique to Indian Railways- a loo with a view. You have not experienced a train journey unless you have seen the tracks below while answering nature's call!

6. The Sleeper

A majority of passengers take the term "Sleeper Class" too literally. They will want to sleep as soon as the sun goes down, and sometimes even when the sun is high up in the sky. Invariably the person having the middle berth will have the maximum enthusiasm to get the berth down and sleep, thereby forcing the lower berth occupying passenger to crouch and Upper Berth passenger to climb up to his little abode. Try to delay the inevitable and they will argue- "But I paid for my Sleeper reservation. I don't want to waste it!". You have no option but to give in, but here comes the next, and best step.

7. The Door

This is something you cannot do on a plane or a luxury bus but can do in an Indian Railways Sleeper coach. Stand at the open door and enjoy the breeze! When you think you have had enough of conversations with co-passengers on everything from current affairs to sports to origin of universe and that your body has made sufficient use of the berth to get above the threshold of "wasting sleeper reservation", head out to the door and stand or sit at the footstep enjoying the view outside. Some like to have music in their ears while doing this, but if you ask me, the rythmic sound of metal wheels against the metal rail is the best melody ever. 

Happy Journey! 

One More Thing...

I am not an Apple fanboy. I do not own a single Apple product. But still, the news of demise of Steve Jobs has saddened me. On my way back from work I had picked up my favorite food that I was craving to have since a long time and was cheerful about it, but now that's the last thing on my mind. Why? Why has the death of a man who is in no way related to me affected me so much? Because this man was a genius, and losing him is a loss to everyone. And when I say this, I am neither being overly emotional nor exxaggerating. Saying that Steve Jobs revolutionized the way the world communicates today is not an understatement. It is a fact.  

I have, on several occasions, expressed my displasure and criticized various Apple products- from the MacBook Air to the iPhone 4S that was released just yesterday, so you may be wondering why this sudden love for Steve Jobs? First of all, it is not sudden. I have always admired this guy. It is because he was a unique man who could accomplish this feat of garnering respect from even the people who disliked the products his company made. Why? Because he was more than just another CEO of just another big company. He was a man who knew what the world wants. He was a man who knew to read the world's heart. I have a Master's degree in Wireless Communications and work at one of the world's leading telecom company, so it is natural that I feel the desire to scrutinize every device Apple has launched in the past few years and ended up finding some or the other minor technical shortcoming in it that took away my interest from buying it, but that's because I am a self-confessed geek who thinks too much, but the world is not like that. The world wants things that make their life simpler, are easy to use, and look nice. Steve Jobs knew this perfectly well. And he designed his products for the world. He developed products that gave access to technology to the people who were previously deprived of it because it was too complicated. He made products that made technology simple. From the big heavy Personal Computers to small designer Mac. From awkward Walkman requiring cassettes to play to the iPod that made listening to music simple. From bulky ugly looking Nokia and Motorola phones of the early 2000s to the sleek iPhone that simplified the smartphone experience. The iPad that gave access to technology to millions of people who found it too complex to use a full fledged computer. And while fiercely protecting his products and innovations, he knowingly or unknowingly opened up a huge market with competition that drives even more innovation. It wouldn't be wrong to say that it was his iOS that led to the growth of Android and thousands of developers across the world innovating daily to be at the top of the race. It was his iPad that led to fierce competition for tablets and the research and innovation that is going into making all of those. It was his imagination and products that moved technology from being the playground of geeks to being a part of mainstream life of people across the world. This is by no means a small achievement. 

And, wait! There is one more thing... 

He made black turtlenecks popular. 

Rest in Peace Steve Jobs. iRespect.

And one more thing...

I am going to enjoy that food I brought on the way home, not mourn, following advice of Steve Jobs himself- "Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish." 

No Land For Single People

Genre and all I have stopped mentioning now.

The world is unfair to single guys, well to be technically correct, a guy who lives alone, as I have realized two months into my experiment of living alone. No, this is not going to be a sentimental rant about loneliness, so if you have moved your cursor towards the Back or Close button on your browser, stop, and continue reading. 

The discrimination against guys living alone transcends across continents and has percolated across myriad sectors. Let's look at travelling here in the United States- on highways in cities, they reserve lanes where single folks are not allowed to drive. Very nicely they call it 'High Occupancy Lanes' and only allow cars with two or more people in it to use these traffic-free lanes. In which universe is two considered a high number? Encouraging car-pooling and all is just excuse, I tell you, they just want the single guys to suffer in traffic and watch couples happily breeze past them in High Occupancy Lanes. It's just rubbing salt in their wounds, a way of saying, "Dude, live with a girlfriend (ok ok, boyfriend is also now legal) and then you can zoom ahead of the traffic". Unfair only it is. 

Think of moving away from this by leaving the car home and take the train to travel and they will again bombard you with the same unfair treatment. You can book one seat on Amtrak trains, but if you want to book a sleeper berth, you have to book two only. Even if you are travelling alone, they will ask you to pay for two people and book a roomette if you want a sleeper berth. If not injustice, what is this? Yes, we know it is nice to travel as couples and have a private roomette to yourself to indulge in various activities but why do you need to rub it in to single guys? Back in India it is better because they let you book one sleeper berth if you are travelling alone, but the injustice against single guys does not stop. It comes back to haunt you in other ways. First of all, Indian Railways has this sadistic pleasure module in their reservation system that will never ever give a single guy a nice window seat or a lower berth, and if by some stroke of luck it assigns one, at the time of travel someone will invariably come and ask you to move from your originally chosen berth to some random upper berth because they have an old uncle or fat aunty who cannot climb to their assigned berths.  

Driving is unfair, trains are unfair, so you decide to fly and the ghost of unfair treatment comes back to haunt you. Every damn airline will operate their domestic flights with a 3-3 seat configuration and long international flights with a 3-3-3 configuration, so if you are a single guy, you have to endure torture of a chatty couple or annoying uncle-aunty or some similar combination of two people next to you. They could have thought of keeping 2-4 seating so that single guys stand some chance of landing up with a pretty fellow single co-passenger but no, that they won't do. They just don't want single guys to be excited and look forward to travelling. 

About restaurants and bars and night clubs being unfair to single guys, the lesser said about it, better. They will let couples in free but if you are a single guy, ask you to pay up. They don't realise they are doing it wrong. It is the single guys who need to visit the bars and clubs so they can socialize and find someone interesting and so they are the ones who should be allowed in free. The couples are supposed to be happy with each other's company. If they need to head to a bar or club for fun, it means their love life is probably rather boring, and the bar should charge them for helping them get over their boredom. The restaurants are not so unfair, but are not completely welcoming either. They will never have tables for one person, minimum will be two, and if you show up alone, the staff will stare at you left and right, and behind, to see if you are hiding a midget partner somewhere or are really alone. (But, I love Denny's. They are impartial. They serve their cheap unhealthy food with equal enthusiasm to single guys and large groups.) 

By the way, all this applies only to single guys. If you are a single girl, well, that's a completely different story for some other day.