Sunday, May 17, 2009

Jai Ho!

Genre: Current Affairs

A lot has been said and heard about how the politicians in India are lazy, indifferent and out-of-sync with the real world and the issues that bother the Common Man. However, very few of them are 'smart' (read: stupid) enough to publicly demonstrate these qualities. Fortunately, it seems I have found one such sample-

The newly-elected MP from my constituency- Mr. Sanjay Nirupam, in his first interview to The Times of India after winning from Mumbai North quotes- "My first priority now is quadrupling of Borivali-Virar railway tracks which has been the long standing demand of 18 lakh commuters."

Just to let you know Mr. Nirupam, the Borivali-Virar Quadrupling Project has already been completed more than two years ago! Itne saal so rahe the kya? Jaago Re!

Thank You for letting us know how "informed" neta we guys have chosen to represent us for the next five years! I am feeling glad I did not waste my valuable vote on you.

Jai Ho!

P.S.: It seems our "techno-savvy" netaji writes a Blog too! See it here. No prizes for guessing who actually posts on it.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

The Monsters That Prowl VJTI

Genre: Humour

Disclaimer: All creatures mentioned herein are purely fictitious and any resemblance to any dinosaur- living, dead or otherwise is purely coincidental.

It is a well known fact that it is a jungle out there in VJTI but very little is known to the outside world about the mysterious creatures that prowl the place. Here is a scientific lowdown on some of the species unique to the VJTI Jungle-

Billasaurus Linguica

One of the most documented creature of the region, it has a peculiar trait of communicating in a language which is difficult to comprehend for creatures of other species and is known to express itself with phrases like "Once Gones The Gones" and "Both of you Three Get Out!"

Deolekasaurus Corpulentii
This heavy creature once used to dominate over the helpless creatures of Studenticus Firstyearisis species but is now extinct. Fossil records show that this creature made many Studenticii wait outside its den for long periods of time for a process known as Vivasis.

Daruwalus Geniusii
This creature was born with an exceptionally high IQ which allowed it to prove his dominance over all other creatures; however, it has a great dislike for Rattus rattus. Due to spending most of its time in the extremely cold climate inside Mup Laboratarica, it has developed a mutation which causes it to sometimes behave in a very unnatural manner and perform amusing tasks like pointing a remote control at a blank screen in an attempt to turn it on.

Sulbhasaurus Giganticus
Probably the most gigantic creature ever known to reside in this forest, Sulbhasaurus suffers from a rare genetic disorder known as LCLO (Lengthy Continous Lecture Obsession) which makes it difficult for it to stop once it starts talking and is known to make irritating shrill sounds to scare away Studenticus.

Rathodosaurus Bevdapii
Living on a staple diet of alcohol, this creature resides in a secluded dark corner of Electrical Laboratorica and is known to come out in the open very rarely mainly because of its inability to walk straight and speak clearly.

Narayankhedosaurus Innovacus
Little is known about the daily chores and routine of this extremely hard-to-see creature which is believed to reside in one exceptionally huge den and use an expensive Innova to travel.

Lokegaonsaurus Procastinatus
Like all other creatures residing in Exam Departmentica, this creature is known to be sluggish and has developed the unique ability to hide itself from other creatures, especially Studenticus. Its language consists of limited vocubalary which is a characteristic trait of Exam Departmentica and includes phrases like "Udyaa Yaa!" and "Chaar baje ke baad".

Charlisaurus Nonchalantii
This creature was once known to be possessing an absolute lack of reaction to stimuli, not showing any response even when objects were physically hurled at it. The reason for this is still unknown. This creatue has not been spotted since a long time and many assume it to be extinct.

Satishosaurus Eccentripus
It has been postulated that this creature is the missing link between Rathodosaurus and Devlekosaurus; however no scientist so far has been able to ascertain the reason behind the eccentric behaviour displayed by this creature which includes comparing Computer Programming to selling a ball pen among other things.

Amuthosaurus Disciplinicus
Closely related to Shardasaurus in behaviour, this creature is known to dish out long lectures on the need for discipline whenever possible. It has also been noticed that it insists on having the entire corridor empty for it when it wants to take a walk and anyone found coming in its way is subjected to a long verbal torture.

Besides these, several other creatures like Rapasaurus, Bhosalosaurus, Patilosaurus, Sarvadosaurus are known to exist in remote corners of the forest and efforts are on to retrieve substantial data about their behavioural patterns.

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My World...My Views by The Blue Indian is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 2.5 India License.