Sunday, November 30, 2008

Now What Next?

Genre: Blabber

Mumbai has been finally liberated from the dozen-odd terrorists who held the city to ransom for three full days. Though they called themselves "Deccan Mujaheddin" (Raj must be happy- see they included the local culture in their name), the evidence is enough for even a blind donkey to tell that Pakistan is involved in the attacks. So, the obvious question on everyone's mind is the same- "Now, what next?"

All the customary "strong steps will be taken" bullshit ain't gonna work anymore. It will take just two bold steps to end this forever-

Step 1: Nuke the Pakis. Five nuclear warheads...on five Agni/Prithvi/Akash missiles... fire simultaneously... Karachi, Lahore, Islamabad, Rawalpindi, Multan. Don't give them any time to react. A conventional war against Pakistan will only result in Mumbai and/or Delhi being nuked by the gobar-headed donkeys who control Pakistan Army. Don't give them this chance at all. It has to be One Shot on the Dot and game over. Na rahega Pakistan, na rahenge terrorists. As far as US reaction is concerned, there is no need to fear- Uncle Sam is too busy trying to get itself out of the quicksand of economic depression. There is absolutely no way they can afford to get to war with India as a "revenge" for their best friend Pakistan.

Step 2: Catch hold of ALL politicians, ruling and opposition (this shouldn't be difficult at all considering the fact that half of them can't even walk on their own, forget running away or hiding), hole them up in one big room (Parliament House will do) and blow it off! It's high time to undertake India's biggest pest-control operation.

India needs a messiah. Who will it be???

Meet The F_ckers

Genre: Current Affairs

Enough has been said about the bastards who held Mumbai to ransom for three days starting this Wednesday and all the abuses one can use are cumulatively not enough to describe them so I will not get into that. What has been more shameful and irritating are the actions and statements by the vote-hungry assholes who rule India. Check this out-

On Thursday, 27th Nov, in the Press Conference, Maharashtra State Government issues a statement - "We were not told by the Central Government that such an attack is going to happen. So, we were unprepared."
Ok boss. Point taken. Next time onwards we shall ask the terrorists to send an official notification of every planned attack to you seven working days in advance so that you can be prepared.

The same evening Narendra Modi says that Gujarat ATS had warned Mumbai ATS about a possible strike in Mumbai seven days ago. Caught red-handed, in a desparate attempt to save their reputation, on Saturday, 29th Nov, in another Press Conference, RR Patil proudly announces "We had intelligence information that such an attack may happen since the last two weeks."
If that is the case, what was the Maharashtra Government doing? Sitting over the information and hatching eggs?

The Central Government is no better. On Thursday, Mannu Singh and Advani visited the attack sites in two separate chartered planes while the 200 NSG Commandoes were made to wait for two hours because "there were no planes available at Delhi airport". Finally an ancient IL-76 plane which took a grand three hours to fly from Delhi to Mumbai was assigned to these commandoes.
What priorities!

As if all this was not enough, that ass RR Patil even dares to say- "Bade bade shehero me aise chhote haadse hote rehte hai".
Inspired by DDLJ? If this is a "small incident", what is big?

When the media and citizens of India asked Maharashtra Chief Minister Vilasrao Deshmukh to step down, he blatantly says- "There is no need for me or RR Patil to resign. Nothing that demands such a step has happened."
Yeah right. After all, 200 innocent people getting killed is not big enough a reason to give up a chair that is the gateway to earning hundreds of crores of rupees.

Finally, a ray of hope came when Mannu Singh declared that "strong steps will be taken against Pakistan" but that vanished the moment the 'strong steps' were elaborated. The steps to be taken are as follows-

1) Indian Government is going to request Pakistan to stop terrorist activities.
How nice! And what do they expect? Like a goody goody little kid, Pakistan will reply- "Ok sir. Give me one chocolate and I will not do this from tomorrow."???

2) India is thinking of stopping cross-border trade and terminating bus and train services to Pakistan.
What the hell is there to think in this? Anyways the only major commodity that India gets from Pakistan through cross-border trade are terrorists.

Now I do not know whom I hate more- the terrorists or the politicans.

Friday, November 21, 2008

Dark Reality

Genre: Current Affairs

After spending enormous time, efforts and public money on creating a feeling of hatred for everything North Indian, especially Bihari, Maharashtra Government has has been hit by the perfect irony- the state’s thermal power plants have coal stocks that can meet only one day’s power generation requirement! So, unless Maharashtra's six thermal power plants continue to receive a steady supply of coal on a daily basis to meet daily needs, they will have to shut down eventually resulting in a complete grid collapse!

So, where is this daily supply of coal coming from? Like it or hate it- Bihar and Jharkhand! Trainloads of coal from North-East India's Coal Belt is keeping Maharashtra "power"ful. Perfect time for Biharis to hit back at Maharashtra- stop these coal trains from going to Maharashtra for just one day and see the fun - total Maharashtra in darkness!

Alas! Lalu is no Raj Thackrey!

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Where is the Money?

Genre: Current Affairs

USA is crying hoarse about wealth being swept away, Germany has already declared recession, Indian investors are crying over all the money being drained out... if everybody in the world is losing money, where is all the money going?

The Large Hadron Collider is to blame. The fear has come true. The dreaded Black Hole has indeed been created and all the money of the world is being sucked into it!


Monday, November 3, 2008

Divide And Rule!

Genre: Current Affairs

All views expressed herein are entirely mine and it is not necessary that you may agree to the same. Healthy discussion through Comments is welcome, however personal attacks will not be tolerated and such comments shall be summarily deleted. If you are not comfortable with what is written here, please use the Back button on your browser.

This is a three-part inter-related post.


Justify Full

Some steps that need to be immediately taken to protect Maharashtra from North Indians and other Outsiders-

* Ban all Hindi movies from cinema halls across Maharashtra since most of the actors such as Amitabh Bachchan and actresses like Preity Zinta and Priyanka Chopra working in those films are North Indians.

* Ban the sale of all Maruti cars in Maharashtra since they are manufactured in Gurgaon in North India by Outsiders.

* Cancel all long distance trains from Maharashtra, including Rajdhani Express since it plies to Delhi which is in North India. All trains starting from stations in Maharashtra must necessarily terminate within Maharashtra so that no Outsiders can enter Maharashtra.

* Cancel all flights from airports in Mumbai, Pune and Aurangabad whose destinations do not fall in Maharashtra. All international flights should be cancelled too.

* Let Mumbai reel under eight hours of power cuts daily. Stop Reliance Power to buy electricity from Meghalaya which is in North India.

* Demolish all temples of Lord Krishna in Maharashtra since he was from Vrindavan in North India.



If you justify your son studying in Bombay Scottish and choosing French over Marathi saying "it is a matter of his personal choice", why are the shopkeepers across Mumbai forced to write their signboards in Marathi? What about their personal choice?

If you are so much against outsiders, why do you use a foreign made Ford Endaveour? Why can't you use a Made In Maharashtra car?

If you call Rahul Raj who threatened to kill you a "Bihari mafia", what are your own men who go around ransacking shops and beating up students? Are they not "Marathi-mafia"?

If you claim to be a Marathi manoos, why did you make such a big fuss requesting for an English loo while in jail?

If you force everyone to learn Marathi and use Marathi, why do you call your pet dog "Bond"? Didn't you get a Marathi name for him?




The recent spate of violence across Maharashtra and the police inaction has raised some serious question marks over the integrity of Mumbai Police.

When MNS goons beat up North Indian students who had come to Mumbai to appear for the Railway Recruitment Board exams, the policemen present there just wielded their lathis in the air and stood by as mute spectators. Okay, one may think this was a one-off incident but what was shocking was Mumbai's Police Commissoner issuing a statement the next day that "there was no violence in the city and the exams went off well". Yeah right!

A few days later, a young Bihari youth named Rahul Raj who entered a BEST bus and threatened to kill Raj Thackerey (who was not even onboard the bus), he was shot dead by the police. Home Minister R R Patil justified this police action stating that it was a "bullet for bullet" approach. If that is the case, why is the same approach not used when dealing with the terrorists who bomb Mumbai at will at regular intervals? If Rahul Raj who only threatened to kill Raj Thackerey and shot one passenger in the thigh is shot dead, why aren't the terrorists who kill dozens of innocent citizens tied together with a bomb and blown up in public? Why no "bomb for bomb" approach there? Just because terrorists kill the Stupid Common Man while Rahul Raj threatened to kill their beloved Raj Thackerey?

As if this was not enough, a couple of days later, a group of dozen MNS men beat up a group of North Indian laboureres in a local train, leaving one of them dead. Next day, statement from Mumbai Police read "This was not a hate crime. They just fought over window seat and one of them was killed." You want us to believe that? Every single day in Mumbai, almost 2300 local trains run with close to 20,000 coaches and 500,000 window seats yet never do we see passengers killing each other over it.

The very next day, a group of MNS men entered the house of a reporter with Navbharat Times in Malad(whom my mom knows personally), flung the girls in the house on the floor and beat up the other family members. Mumbai Police's version next morning- "This was not a hate crime. The reasons for the attack are unknown". Great!

When Prime Minister Manmohan Singh finally lambasted Maharashtra Chief Minister and Mumbai Police for giving too much free hand to Raj Thackerey, Mumbai Police promptly replied that 63 cases have been registered against him. Well, if that is the case, why is the guy sitting nicely in his Shivaji Park duplex? Shouldn't he be in jail? Not only this, the High Court banned Raj from making public statements for two months but within a week, Mumbai police allowed him to speak to the media stating that it was "undemocratic" to stop someone from expressing his views! How shweet!

I have lived in Mumbai for the past 21 years and have seen Mumbai Police accepting bribes, raping young girls while on duty, faking encounters for personal gains and all the time forgiven them thinking that it must be one-off incidents. But this time around, it has been far too much. My trust in Mumbai Police has been shattered. As one fellow commuter in a local train quipped the other day- "Jab akhkha police force hi bik chuka ho, saala aadmi bharosa kispe karega?"

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