Saturday, April 17, 2010

Life Beckons Outside VJTI

Genre: College Life

My dear friends from the Class of 2010,

I hope tonight was a good night. As you look ahead after Nirop, the big bad world beckons. For four years, VJTI has given you some of the best experiences of your life- working on prehistoric machines in lab, spending more money at Aarti and Chandan than you do on yourself, making sixty handwritten replicas of assignments and submitting them for safekeeping. Now it is time for you to give back to VJTI.

Contribute towards the well-being of those who served you for four years. Take the Director's Assistant for jogging along the bylanes leading upto Five Gardens. Be brave and be prepared to face adversities. The residents of Parsi Colony will shout, scream at and abuse you for your act that damaged the roads. Do not pay attention.

Appreciate the hard work put in by the non-teaching staff. Buy 100 I-cards and gift them to the watchman at Main Gate so that he can relax from his routine shouting of "I-card kuthe aahe???"

Support education for all. Purchase books and necessary stationery for the most enthusiastic student on campus- The White Dog of VJTI who sincerely attends every lecture, year after year, leading the way in our dream of seeing 100% literacy in India.

The world is yours, go achieve your dreams!

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Gandhigiri FAIL

Warning: Explicit language. Read at your own risk.

Genre: India

It is this ghastly incident that made me write this post so soon after the previous one.

Once again India has been hit by terrorism, this time not from across the border but from within the country itself. The biggest pain-in-the-ass of our country, the Naxals butcher 74 CRPF soldiers as India watches in shock and awe. Like always, the Government gave out stupid statements. Home Minister P. Chidambaram says "We should have not lost so many lives." True. Yet, why does time and again India suffer at the hands of a handful of assholes? Why does a Kasab here, a Naxal there keep killing Indians at will and the government do nothing to stop it?

They say we are a non violent country following the ideals of Gandhi. The problem is, our government seems to follow it a bit too much. Gandhi once famously said that if someone slaps you on one cheek, give him another cheek, and our government keeps doing that. So, that son-of-a-bitch Kasab, having killed hundreds of Mumbaikars, enjoys his five-star stay in Arthur Road Jail, complete with his choice of newspapers, cologne and chicken tikka. These Naxals kill 74 security jawans, and the government says that no offensive strikes will be conducted against them.

How long should we keep tolerating this? For how long will hard-earned money of taxpayers go into providing security and special treatment to a terrorist? Why shouldn't he be tied with the very same hand-grenades he lobbed around at CST and blasted to death in full public view? Why can't the government order the Air Force and Army to launch a joint air-and-ground assault to wipe out the Naxalite camps once and for all? Every year millions of dollars are spent on signing new defence deals, so why isn't this arsenal used to get rid of these suckers? How many more attacks will it take before the Government wakes up to the fact that these idiots are neither Hindu, nor Muslim, nor votebanks. They are simply parasites eating up the country.

Gandhi's principles may have worked to get the British out of this country, but they certainly are NOT going to work in today's scenario. In fact, even trying to make them work is sheer stupidity. It is high time Gandhigiri is given a backseat and Bhagat Singh, Rajguru and Sukhdev are brought to the forefront. These are the true heroes the country needs to look up to today. The sooner the morons in New Delhi realise this, the better it will be for India. Till then, keep paying your taxes on time so that Kasab can enjoy his Chicken Tikka.

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Puneri Patya

Genre: India

Anyone who has ever been to Pune would have noticed one peculiarity about the city- the residents of this Maratha city are hot-headed and in-your-face (not to mention, very creative) in putting across their point, especially when it comes to signboards and instructions. Here is a collection of such signs, some of them observed by me during my many visits to Pune, some from friends in Pune, and some lifted off the internet, all showcasing The Spirit of Pune in all its glory. The real punch is in reading the original Marathi version but I am providing English translations for the benefit of lesser mortals-

We have not assigned you the responsibility of painting our building. Do not spit.

This is an office. There is nothing worth seeing inside. Do not enter.

(This one is self-explanatory I guess)

Do not make weird unusual noises while washing hands or gargling.

Salesmen, do not ring the bell. All your goods will be confiscated.

Bungalow is empty. Nothing worth stealing. Do not unnecessarily take the trouble.

And then there are these signs whose original photos are unfortunately not available-

Do not pee here, otherwise we will permanently stop it for you.

Do not ask for credit. You will be insulted.

We are vegetarian but our dog is not.

Do not sit for long time. You may have no other work but this is not a garden.

And finally, trust a true Punekar to come up with one for the potholed roads too-

Grand 100m Motocross Competition. Organizer: Pune Municipal Corporation.

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