Today as couples around the world celebrate their love (never figured out why they don't celebrate it all year round), I spend the day in the same fashion as I have done for the last 23 years- doing nothing, being single. Fortunately, I have been blessed with some extremely concerned and caring friends who keep on asking me what kind of girl I would like to have in my life (although none of them have ever introduced me to one, but thats a different story). So for the benefit for everyone, once and for all, I present the type of girl I am looking for.
If you are female, Indian (ABCD aka American Born Cute Desi girls are allowed), single (or in a relationship but looking for greener pastures) and aged between 20 and 24 years as on today, here is a checklist (along with my reasons for each point). Tick all that applies to you-
(If you are either male, or a female who does not satisfy the above criteria, still you can continue to read. There is something for you at the end)
[ ] You have an active Facebook account.
Come on, how technology-alienated and boring life you'd be living if you don't have one
[ ] You can cook, and like cooking decently good vegetarian food.
They say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, to mine it certainly is.
[ ] You can speak two or more of the following languages- English, Hindi, Gujarati, Marathi.
What? Would we talk in sign language?
[ ] You love, or at least don't hate train travel.
Well, if you don't satisfy this condition, we are likely to have a lot of fights!
[ ] Your wardrobe contains at least 10% and at the most 25% pink clothes.
Any less is impossible to imagine for any normal girl, and any more is overdose of cuteness.
[ ] Your skin tone is any shade between Bipasha Basu and Katrina Kaif.
I believe they are the ideal thresholds. Anyone out of these limits doesn't look Indian anymore.
[ ] You have at least a basic knowledge of what's going on in the world around you.
I don't want you to know by-heart all news daily but if I talk to you today and you say "Egypt? Why, what happened there?" sorry, you are out of contention.
[ ] You have at least some interest in cricket.
We are Indians, cricket is our religion, so if you cannot tell names of at least five current Indian cricketers and two IPL teams, you are out!
Math has never been my favorite subject, so I don't care about figures.
Also, there are some knock-out conditions. If you satisfy any of these, you are out of the competition-
[ ] You smoke.
Smokers are people who have no interest to live but no balls to kill themselves at once.
[ ] You religiously follow all saas-bahu TV serials.
Get a life. Seriously.
[ ] You are a fan of Justin Bieber, Lady Gaga's fashion sense or Twilight movies
Get yourself checked by a psychiatrist dear.
On the other hand, there are some criteria that can earn you significant amount of positive Brownie Points. Don't ask me reasons for these, just be happy if you can tick off few or all of these-
[ ] You love The Big Bang Theory.
[ ] You love Star Wars, or sci-fi movies in general
[ ] You have an active well-maintained blog
[ ] You have an active Twitter account
[ ] You love travelling/driving/nature
[ ] You love photography
[ ] You like Hindi music
[ ] You are from Mithibai / Agrawal Classes / VJTI / Virginia Tech
If you satisfy 7 or more criteria from the first list and any from the last list, congratulations! You know what your next step should be.
As I promised, if you are a male, or a female not satisfying initial criteria, here is what you can do- if have a sister, friend, ex-girlfriend who you believe fulfils these criteria, it would be a great service to humanity if you introduce her to this piece of writing.
P.S.: There is a trump card too- if you are female, Indian (ABCD aka American Born Cute Desi girls are allowed), single (or in a relationship but looking for greener pastures) and aged between 20 and 24 years as on today and already like me for what I am (highly unlikely scenario), it can help in your favor to override some of the above criteria that you may not be satisfying.
P.P.S.: Even if you are not interested in that sense, be sporty and copy the checklist in Comments and tick the categories you qualify in, just for fun :)
Finally, the reason for publishing this today-
Happy Valentine's Day!