Genre: Current Affairs
It gives me great pleasure to know you will be visiting my hometown Mumbai, India with your family next week, your trip coinciding with Diwali. Your timing of the trip could not be any better. For Indians, Diwali is a time for celebration and I know you are no stranger to this fact, after all you delivered a flawless telemprompter-assisted speech this day last year explaining the same to Americans. It is a day when Indian families visit friends, go shopping and burst firecrackers. However, this year thanks to you, this will not be possible since roads across the city will be blocked for hours and public places cordoned off for your humble caravan consisting of only 78 cars to pass. Breaking away from the monotony, common citizens will get an opportunity to spend their Diwali day in their cars, waiting in traffic. I am also told you will be arriving by Air Force One along with a total of forty planes. The citizens of Mumbai, confused whether you are arriving on a presidential visit or leading a full-fledged air invasion, will thank you from the bottom of their hearts for shutting down Chhatrapati Shivaji Airport for two hours, delaying around fifty flights, giving them a priceless opportunity to see this spectacular sight.
I am sure you must have read The New York Times and other US newspapers criticizing a certain man called Mukesh Ambani for building a $1 billion 27-floor house for his family of five in Mumbai. I am glad to know that you, instead of getting discouraged by such criticism, have decided to go one step ahead and book all 570 rooms in the Taj Mahal hotel in Mumbai for your family of four. I, and hundreds of other graduate students studying in universities across your country have had their research assistantships and funding curtailed, having been told by the university that the country is going through an economic crisis and it is time to be frugal and save every dollar possible. However, it feels great to know you will not be following this policy and will be taking every effort on your trip to showcase the power and wealth of the United States.
I have come to know from your official sources that you would not be visiting the Golden Temple in Amritsar because you believe it would project you as a Muslim, although you are not one, and malign your reputation. However, I see your wife will be visiting Kamathipura. Going by your logic, this would project her as a prostitute, although she is not one. I guess you are fine with that.
Thank you once again for your humble low-key visit.
God Bless America!