What? Why? How? Where?

 

Genre: Humor

Ever wondered what goes on in the minds of most people in the world? Thanks to Google, we now know the answer. You must have noticed that when you start typing something in Google’s search box, it automatically generates a list of most popular searches related to what you are typing. A majority of the world population does not know that Google Search is based on keywords, and as a result they “ask” Google questions in complete sentences as if they are talking to a real person, and in the process generate an interesting list of what’s going on in the minds of citizens of the world. Here are some samples of the same-

(Note: My picks are highlighted)

(You need Google to tell you that???)

(Start Googling, what else!)

(Aah! If only we all could know that from Google!)

(Ana, you wanna answer that? :D )

(Yeah, really! WHO is she?)

    (LOL! ROFL!)

This is how the World thinks. It is a well-known fact that we Indians think differently than others, and running the same exercise on Google India substantiates this claim to the core! Check out-

(Hum aur hamara shaitan dimaag!!!) 

(Aah! Humko iski bahut jyada chinta rehti hain!)

(It happens only in India!)

(Army walo, yeh method use kiya hota toh shayad jaldi mil jaata!)

   (Deshdrohi!!!)

One final word – if you want more fun, try running the same exercise on Google Pakistan. Before we end, just a sample of what type of stuff to expect-

(NO COMMENTS on this!!!)

2 States?

 

Genre: Blabber

No, contrary to what the title may suggest, this is NOT going to be a review of Chetan Bhagat’s latest novel narrating a cross-border love story between a Punjabi boy and Tamilian girl fighting regional bias to unite. I read the book at one go yesterday night and somewhere down the line, I felt like the point he is trying to drive home and some of the clichés he has mentioned are very true even today in Indian society – we Indians, intentionally or unintentionally, have created bias amongst ourselves based on language and geography and this is passed on from generation to generation.

One look around and you’ll know what I mean. Even today, most people in Maharashtra/Gujarat refer to everyone living south of Mumbai as a ‘Madrasi’ who eats idli-dosa for breakfast, lunch and dinner. At the same time, folks in Andhra/Karnataka/Kerala/Tamil Nadu desist from learning and/or communicating in Hindi and call it “language of North Indians” conveniently forgetting the fact that it is the National Language first.

I don’t even need to remind the case of two desperate political parties in Maharashtra that have been going around creating divide among Mumbaikars by branding residents from “UP-Bihar” as aliens and their typical “North Indians are stealing jobs of Marathi people” rant. And the worst part is, a sizeable cross-section of the society even justifies this state-based division.

Forget about politicians, I found a glaring example of this linguistic bias right here in Blacksburg. Every now and then I hear that there is a “Tamil Potluck”* or “Telugu Potluck”  and the likes being organized over the weekend and I didn’t understand what was the point of adding the linguistic condition. This is something that baffled me at first. I had come expecting that here in an alien nation, 15,000km from our motherland, all Indian students would be living as one united group representing the country as a whole. Someone might argue that we ARE united, but the fact remains that our linguistic bias refuses to leave us even here.

Another example- the moment I mention something about a South Indian movie, an army of ardent lovers of these movies will shoot back “Your Hindi movies are no better” as if I own the Hindi film industry. Why can’t we give up this “mine” and “your” and look at it as “our”? Is it that difficult to unite as Indians first? Have we forgotten our history when British took advantage of this very fact and successfully implemented their “Divide and Rule” policy?

It’s high time we realise that above 28 States and scores of languages, we are a part of ONE NATION. Making one billion people realize this is a Herculean task, but someone has to do it. WE have to do it, like Krish and Ananya did. To start off, we probably need to look up to Sardar Patel for inspiration for this. If he could unite 522 princely states to form a single entity called India, we can definitely unite and bring 28 States together and make one UNITED STATES OF INDIA.

* “Potluck” is a dinner party where everyone brings one dish to share.

Those Were The Days…

Genre: Entertainment

Long before television was flooded with soap operas and reality shows, when Internet had not penetrated into the average household, GTalk, Facebook and Orkut were not the most popular means of timepass, most Indian kids used to look forward to classic Disney cartoons for enjoyment and when I think about it now, how I wish I could go back to those days of clean and simple entertainment, away from the clutter that we call “entertainment” today. If you were in primary school in India of the early 1990s, chances are that you were as big a fan of these classic cartoons as I am.

Thanks to YouTube I managed to find videos of title tracks of some of these all-time favorites. As you see each of the videos below, try humming the theme song along and I am pretty sure you’ll be pleasantly surprised at yourself that you still recognize all the characters and know almost all the title songs by-heart!

Here we go-

Duck Tales: The adventures of Uncle Scrooge probably remain the most popular among Indian kids of the 90s (which includes me too). I have even seen instances of this title song being sung in Antakshari on college trips as late as 2008!

Aladdin: This one used to be my personal favorite. In those innocent days, Jadooi Kaalin was the funkiest thing to possess, Iago the motor-mouth parrot was too funny and Jasmine was probably my first “crush” long before I even knew what it means!

TaleSpin: This is yet another series I never missed. Baloo the pilot and his little wiz-kid was the coolest jodi around and I used to eagerly await to see what new “adventures” they are upto every evening. 

Gummi Bears: This was probably not as popular as the other ones, but it used to be my personal favorite (alongwith Aladdin) and I distinctly remember Zee TV screening the two of these back-to-back every alternate evening on Disney Hour.

(I couldn’t find the Hindi version of this anywhere! If someone has it, please let me know!)

This discussion would not be complete without a tribute to our very own desi cartoon hero. Yes, you guessed it right – Mowgli! Hats off to The Jungle Book for surviving even among the barrage of Disney cartoons. By the way, if you can’t sing along THIS song, doob maro!

They Don’t Believe – The Larger Picture

Genre: India

Continuing from my previous post on how people from other cities in India refuse to believe some common realities about Mumbai, moving one step ahead, here is a sample of misconceptions harbored by Americans about India as a whole.

They refuse to believe that multi-national food chains like McDonalds, Pizza Hut and Subway exist in all Indian cities and that most of us 21st century Indians have grown up on staple diet of same (unhealthy!) fast food as them!

They refuse to believe that we have access to English music and Hollywood movies in our homes and that most of us are as ardent fans of F.R.I.E.N.D.S. and VH1 as them.

They refuse to believe that all of us who have come here for our Masters and are in our twenties are un-married and not even thinking of getting married anytime soon. Their impression is that in India, everyone gets married by eighteen.

They refuse to believe that Indian cities have 50-floor high skyscrapers and underground metro networks. In fact, most amusing part was an American grown up in rural Blacksburg asking me if landscape in “under-developed places” like Mumbai comprises of fields and forests! I so much wanted to tell him - “Idiot, on the contrary, it’s YOU who lives in a village!”

For most Americans, India still remains an under-developed third-world nation in some obscure corner of the world. And I don’t blame them completely. Agreed that people in this part of the world are intellectually challenged but we are the one who have played a major role in creating this image of India in the Western world.

We are the ones who lap up a British movie showcasing extreme-negative image of India and proudly claim it to be “Indian” movie simply because it won the Best Picture Oscar. More than that, we have “leaders” throwing shoes and slapping fellow legislators in the House, setting public property on fire without caring a damn to the fact that these “action scenes” are telecast live on TV and makes world news, eventually strengthening India’s image of a “poor law-less country stuck in anarchy and ruled by barbaric hooligans”.

It’s high time we realize we have inflicted enough damage to India’s reputation in the world and it is going to take substantial effort to correct this (if at all someone decides to). In the meantime, the next time an American exclaims “Oh My God! You have McDonalds and Pizza Hut in India???” (heard this almost 10 times so far!), I am simply going to tell - “No man! Are you crazy? We live on a staple diet of grass and mud.”

PS: This is my first post published using Windows Live Writer that came with my Windows 7.

They Don't Believe!

Genre : India

After numerous “my city vs your city” comparison talks in the last two months with students from all over India (including many who have never been to Mumbai), I find it hard to believe that they don’t believe some common facts about Mumbai:

They don’t believe that in Mumbai, auto-rickshaw drivers actually charge by the meter and not in multiples of 10 (Their city : “50 lagega…chalo 40 de dena!”)

They don’t believe that in Mumbai, you cannot evade traffic cop by bragging about your family (Their city : “Jaanta hai mera baap kaun hai?”)

They don’t believe that in Mumbai, local trains have a First and Second Class and all passengers strictly follow the distinction (Their city: “Ghus jaane ka na kidhar bhi…kaun dekhta hai”)

They don't believe that in Mumbai, male passengers never travel in coaches in trains marked as 'Ladies' (Their city: "Voh sab toh likha rehta hai. Padhta kaun hai". See Proof in photo.)

They don’t believe that in Mumbai, if you are caught travelling in First Class with a Second Class ticket, you will always be charged a fine of Rs 250 (Their city: “TC ko Rs 20 chai-paani de deneka. Baat khatam”)

They don’t believe that in Mumbai, city bus drivers actually follow road rules. (Their city : “Jahaan passenger dekha, vahaan road ke beech me bus khada kar denge”)

They don’t believe that in Mumbai you have to stop at all traffic signals and follow all road signs. (Their city : “Itna sab dekhte baithta toh paagal ho jaata”)

They don’t believe that in Mumbai, you can hail a taxi just like an auto-rickshaw and pay by the meter reading. (Their city : “Taxi ka fixed rate lagega. Rs 200 se kam kuch nahi”)

They don't believe that in Mumbai, you have to always wear a helmet while driving a two-wheeler (Their city: "Koi nahi pehenta. Police wala kitne logo ko pakdega?")

They don’t believe that in Mumbai, you can get everything from Pav Bhaji and Vada Pao to Pizza and Noodles on the roadside carts (Their city : “Pav Bhaji aur Pizza koi road pe thode hi bechta hai!”)

I always knew Mumbai was well-behaved, organized and different from other cities of India, but didn’t know the difference was so stark!

Proud to be a Mumbaikar!

PS : The above facts have been compiled from subjects coming from Delhi, Chennai, Kolkata, Bangalore, Hyderabad, Vadodara. Discerning reader should be able to distinguish comments by cities.

My apologies to readers who do not understand Hindi. Translating the comments into English would kill the fun!