Dare To Think Beyond Reality

Genre: Current Affairs

Since the last several years, IIPM, an institute run by a maverick going by the name of Dr. Arindham Chaudhari has been issuing full page color advertisements in leading newspapers across India boasting about its "world class facilities" along with a tagline that goes "Dare To Think Beyond The IIMs".


What do the students who dared to think beyond the IIMs and enrolled at IIPM, lured by the famous promise of "free laptops" and "foreign tours" land up in is evident to anyone who visits the IIPM website that proclaims it to be "The Largest B-School on Earth". The final nail in the coffin of this all-claims-no-substance institute came yesterday when the University Grants Commission issued this ad clarifying that IIPM is not a University!

Not the one to sit quiet, IIPM and the oh-so-great Dr Chaudhari came up with this brilliant piece of explanation that is a perfect example of "digging one's own grave".

Let's go through the various points presented by His Highness Dr. Arindham Chaudhari The Great-

"IIPM like the IIMs in India is neither an university nor has it ever claimed to be one"

Hey wait! All these years you told us 'Dare to Think Beyond the IIMs' and you start your letter with a comparison with the IIMs. What is this yaar?

"And exactly like the IIMs in India, IIPM does not offer any degrees."

Phir vohi baat? Dude, think beyond the IIMs na!

"The institute has pioneered the practice of making laptops a part of the package offered to every students, along with the global tour called GOTA."

GOTA?? ROFL! Aur kuch naam nahi mila kya?

"IIPM is a private institution, ie. it is entirely funded by student fees. While in the US, Harvard and Stanford are also private, the Indian education system does not recognize private institutions as yet in a similar manner."

Aai Shappath! Kya comparison hai boss! Maan gaye!

"ISB, the IITs and other leading institutions do not accept AICTE's standards."

Pehle IIMs, then Stanford-Harvard, now ISB-IIT, arre bhai decide karo na tumko exactly kiska copy maarna hai?

"In 2005, an article was published by a small time sensationalist college paper called JAM magazine. Rashmi Bansal, the owner and editor of JAM and her associates began a campaign against the institute on the internet, using blogs - a typical means used to spread slander against reputed brands by jealousy ridden frustrated wannabees."

Really? Jealousy ridden frustrated wannabe? That's YOU, dude!

"The Indian blogging community (or blogosphere, as it likes to call itself) is essentially a bitchy, self-indulgent and an almost incestuous network comprising journalists, wannabe-writers and a massive army of geeks who give vent to their creative ambitions on the internet."

Waah! Waah! Kya gyaan diya Arindam saheb! Tussi great ho!

"IIPM, alongside Harvard and Wharton, does not believe the rankings conducted by publications reflect the quality of business education."

"IIPM has been consistently ranked among India's top business school by several leading newspapers and magazines, since 2003."

Okay, so we should NOT believe you are among India's top business schools, right? Thank you. Finally you accepted the reality!

I have only one advice for you, Dr. Arindham Chu-dhari- Dare To Think Beyond Bullshit.

Virtual Tour...of Real Lies!

Genre: India

Off late, anyone with a spare building and a couple of unemployed graduates willing to masquerade themselves as "professors" is out opening "world-class" Management Institutes and Engineering Colleges all over India, and their websites are, amusing to say the least. Here are some samples-

Hot chick: check; studious girl: check; sardarji: check; orthodox Muslim girl: check; firang blonde: check; mandatory black guy: check! Mall me se Rs 50 deke utha laaye sabko, haath me ek book pakda diya, smile for a group photo and bingo! Ho gaya "cultural diversity"

Waah! Kya naam hai! Only one small problem- the photo on the website homepage isn't quite "accurate"!

US university style logo, in-our-dreams campus ka ek photo, mandatory "cute chick" and suited-booted-guys and here we go! Website ready!

I bet that brunette on the homepage has never even heard the name of this university! And dude, what's that? Gaudy golden convocation gowns? Kaunse maharishi ke shishya ho bhai tum?

Hey wait! Didn't you guys just tell us to think beyond the IIMs?

...run by the biggest ass on Earth!

I cannot help but make an honorable mention here of a certain institute that has withstood the test of time and market trends as far as design of its website goes. Please have a look-

Un-commonwealth Games

Genre: India

I have been told there is something called Commonwealth Games that will start in New Delhi in 80 days from now and will bring hundreds of foreign athletes. But considering general lack of interest among Indians in any game that is not cricket, and the incomplete infrastructure at the "Games Village", I think it would be better off if the Indian Government shifts the event out into the streets of Delhi and instead of the usually boring events, add some variety to it by featuring some uncommon events like these-

1. Yamuna Survival Race

Instead of swimming up and down in crystal clear waters of swimming pools, participants will be given the more challenging task of swimming in the dark thick mucky water-like liquid that flows in Yamuna, their path blocked by hundreds of strategically placed floating plastic bags, bottles and bathing buffalos. This will drain out (no pun intended) the participants and will attract huge crowds.

2. Rapist Run

This will be a women-only event where the participants will have to smartly dodge several men out to grope them on roads and possibly rape them in cars. Hundreds of experienced volunteers from GRAD (Gropers & Rapists Association of Delhi) have expressed interest in providing their service for this event. "I have groped and passed lewd comments at more than 500 women so far in parks and roads of Central Delhi during my career and I am excited about the service we can provide during the Games", said Pappu Sharma, GRAD chairaman.

3. New Delhi station Obstacle Course

In this event, participants will be brought to New Delhi railway station with instructions to board particular trains, and the controllers will shift the arrival of the train from, say, Platform No. 3 to Platform No. 16 just two minutes prior to arrival, thereby challenging the participants to make their way through the stampede of thousands of passengers, strewn luggage and narrow bridges to make it to the right platform in time. An insider said, this event will be made more challenging by not announcing the coach position of arriving trains or displaying random coach positions to make the run even more difficult for the participants. Jaspal Singh, controller at New Delhi 'B' cabin gushed, "We have been doing this on a daily basis since years now, you know it gives an adrenaline rush, now I am glad we have been asked to do the same for the Games!"

4. BMW presents Dodge Me If You Can

This event will involve participants dodging their way, saving their life across streets of Greater Kailash as a bunch of drunk sons of rich influential businessmen prowl in their BMWs to run them over. This event has brought a lot of excitement among GK-2 residents, evident in the voice of Raj Malhotra who gushed, "I have my BMW M6 Coupe ready and raring to go! I can't wait to hit the streets and try running over a few hapless participants! I have already challenged Bunty that I can mow down more pedestrians than his X3! Yo man! It's gonna be fun!"

5. Shoot Red Beacons

This is probably the most interesting event and will be held on Rajpath and Janpath. Similar to clay shooting, this will comprise of participants standing at vantage points between India Gate and Rashtrpati Bhawan ready to shoot as many red beacon lights as possible installed atop the passing Ambassadors and other VIP cars. It is estimated that every participant will get around 78 targets to shoot considering the number of red-beacon VIP cars seen in this area on any given day. "Getting crowd to see this event will not be a problem", explained a mamber of Games organing committee, "because anyways whenever any VIP cars are passing, we stop all traffic on all sides for 30 minutes or more, resulting is massive traffic jams. I am sure we will provide wholesome entertainment to the common citizens of Delhi by this event."

________________

Note from the writer-

Do not worry. Nothing of this sort will happen.

To experience the best Indian hospitality
Visit Delhi for the Commonwealth Games 2010

!ncredible !ndia welcomes you!

India According to Mumbaikars

Genre: Humour

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Why FIFA World Cup is Not As Fun As IPL

Genre: Humor

The FIFA World Cup 2010 has started in South Africa amidst all the hype and hoopla but for me, the quientessential cricket-fed desi, it doesn't excite in the present avatar. Football World Cup needs several changes to make it as entertaining as IPL.

First of all, those suit-booted gentlemen talking before and after the matches on ESPN-Star Sports need to go. There should be Harsha Bhogle, Navjot Singh Sidhu and Mandira Bedi in that panel. And before you say "What the...", let me explain-

Harsha Bhogle probably never even took a cricket ball or bat in his hands yet he can convincingly dish out expert knowledge on cricket matches, so there is no reason why he cannot discuss football without ever having kicked a ball. Sidhu anyways keeps speaking what he wants to- shayaris, quotes et al so it doesn't matter whether you keep him in a cricket discussion or football discussion. As far as Mandira Bedi is concerned, till date she doesn't know what happens in the game she is supposed to talk about, so she fits in fine too.

I observed the football World Cup games have only one break at half-time. This is not fair. Players and viewers need more ad breaks, so from immediate effect there should be two X Mobile Strategic Timeouts introduced in the game, each decided by one team. Also, staring at the same ball for 90 minutes is too monotonous, so every team should bring a couple of cute looking "brand ambassadors" who don't know a bit about the game, but can excitedly wave flags whenever the camera focusses on them.

We see a lot of games becoming boring due to lack of goals scored. To make the game exciting, there should be a Powerplay period of 15 minutes in every half when only two defenders should be allowed inside 30 yards from the goal post. Also, to make the commentary more interesting, terms like Toyota Free Kick, Citibank Penalty and Adidas Offside should be used liberally.

Finally, the biggest reason why Football World Cup is not as entertaining as IPL to watch- There is no MRF Blimp over the stadiums! How technologically-backward! :(