Chandni Chowk to... HELL!

Genre: Blabber

Today I saw the most horrible, unbearable and bakwaas movie of all time and can't help but write about it here to warn fellow bloggers and readers against a horrendous torture.

Yes, Chandni Chowk to China- the reviews said it was bad, people who saw it said it was pathetic, but I was never prepared for what was actually dished out before me when I actually saw it. The movie has absoultely no storyline (nothing new for Hindi comedies), Akshay Kumar has shown his worst acting (rather overacting) ever, Deepika (not one, but TWO!) is simply forgettable and the dialogues make you pull your hair in disgust.

This movie marked several firsts for me- for the first time ever, I slept midway while watching a movie in theatre. For the first time, I walked out while the movie was running, had a stroll around the multiplex and gathered enough courage to enter again. For the first time ever, a movie gave me severe headache- no kidding- I had to rush home and sleep for three hours to get back to normal!

As if the movie was less torturous, the guys at PVR decided to impart the final blow by keeping the air-conditioners running at freezing temperature, so much so that all the moviegoers (there were 14 of them myself including in the entire theatre) were shivering like a mobile phone on vibration mode! I tried to look around for an usher to ask him to put an end to this suffering, but there was none of them around and I don't blame them- after all even they are humans, how can they bear this torture show after show?

My advice to Mumbai Police- vo terrorist Kasab ko ye movie dikhao, isse jyada effective torture kuch nahi ho sakta!

Tagged

Genre: Blabber

This is a chain game which is doing the rounds of Blogosphere for quite a long time. Thankfully I was spared from it till now, but not anymore. Though it is very unlike what I usually write, I am gonna answer this ones just for Annie (who Tagged me).
So, here we go-

RULE 1: People who are tagged must write their answers to the tag and change any question they like.

Ok, agreed to the first part, but not the second. I am too lazy to do all that.

RULE 2: Tag 3 people and they cannot refuse to do this tag. They must write who tagged them and cannot tag that person again. Continue the game. And I hope it will be sheer fun.

Sorry, I do not believe in propogating spam, so the buck stops here! I am NOT Tagging anyone (anyways everyone who is anyone must have been tagged atleast once by now!)

Now, the answers-

1. If your lover betrayed you, what would be your reaction?
Stand outside her house at 3am and sing "Emosanal Atyachaar"

2. If you have one dream which could come true, it would be?
Go and kick the ass (literally and figuratively) of Pakistan's Prime Minister.. wait, even Narayankhedkar would do!

3. Who is more blessed-loving someone or being loved by someone ?
Being loved by someone I love.. no secret admirers please!

4. Can you fall in love with your best friend ?
YES! I am in love with one of my best friends (Ok, start the name-guessing now!)

5. How long would you wait for someone you love?
Till this loop ends-
for(i=1;i>0;i++)

6. If the person you like is secretly attached, what would you do?
Detach her, ofcourse!

7. If you could root for one social cause, what would it be?
Help the Somalian pirates. The poor guys are trying so hard, in vain so far, to emulate Jack Sparrow.

8. What according to you is blogger in denial?
Someone who blogs simply because all Tom, Dick and Bihari around him/her are blogging.

9. What’s your fear ?
Aliens! The ones with green, large round heads, coming in a fancy light-emitting UFO and kidnapping me in the middle of the night

10. What colour are your socks now?
Transparent. Seriously, come over and check.

11. What are you listening to now?
"Jag me... saap baste hain...
Sabko.. saap daste hain...
Zehreelay Zehreelay...
Kaale Neele Peele..."
(a proof that even seasoned writers like Javed Akhtar can go bonkers once in a year!)

12. What takes you down fastest?
An elevator, duh!

13. Which one do you prefer - ice-cream or chocolate?
Chocolate flavored ice cream

14. What would you do with a billion dollars?
Give them to me and I will demonstrate it for you.

15. What was the last thing you ate?
goto Question 13;

16. How old are you today?
1 year 7 days as per my native planet's calender. 21 years 7 months 17 days 23 hours 16 minutes 26..27..28 seconds as per Earth calender.

17. How do you vent out your anger?
By watching Ram Gopal Verma ki Aag- it makes me feel better thinking that my life is at least not as horrible and screwed up as this film.

18. Favourite toy as a child?
A red Ferrari Enzo that I drove down Marine Drive without licence without knocking down anyone. After all, it is so hard to knock someone down with a six-inch model.

18. Favourite season?
Winter. Clear blue sky, crisp cold air, snow, Santa Claus coming flying down in his sledge and coming in through the chimney (wait, or is it the Alien with green, large round heads, coming in a fancy light-emitting UFO?)

19. When was the last time you cried?
On seeing my CAT score. It was so hilarious, I laughed so much at it, ended up in tears!

20. Who is the friend you have had the longest?
A black rat with white spots who runs amok in my bedroom. He's been there since eternity and just wouldn't leave me however hard I try to get rid of him.

21. What did you do last night?
[Warning: Inappropriate Content Suppressed. This blog is read by audiences of all physical and mental ages.]

22. Favorite day of the week?
Today

23. Diamond or pearl?
Whichever costs less, since I am the one who would be paying for it.

24.Would you be single & rich or married & poor ?
Wrong framing. It should have been "single & poor or married & rich".. then it would be a tough one to answer!

25.What is the first thing you do when you wake up?
Check my cellphone for messages from nocturnal creatures (though most of the days its only Vodafone reminding me to pay my already paid bill!)

26.If you fall in love with two people simultaneously, whom would you pick?
The one who loves me.

27.Would you give all in a relationship ?
Ask any guy and you will have your answer.

28.What’s eating you now ?
An alien. The one with green, large round heads, who came in a fancy light-emitting UFO

29.Do you prefer being single or in a relationship?
In a single relationship.

30. Your opinion of 3 bloggers who you are going to tag and the one who tagged you.
Cheers guys! I am NOT gonna tag anyone!
Annie is the one who tagged me- eccentric, moody, excellent writer and verrrry kanjoos!

The Perfect Start

Genre: Life

This post was supposed to be published on Monday, January 12th 2009 but thanks to ever (un)reliable MTNL TriBand, I had to delay it by one day.

Though the college opened officially last Monday, today was practically the "First Day of Last Semester" with regular attendance (of both- students and professors). And what a start it was!

First of all, the first scheduled lecture of the semester started bang on time at 11.15am. I, not expecting this even in my dreams, was hanging around in the Quadrangle and casually entered the class only at 11.35am, only to find the Fat Old Lady blabbering Data Communication. However, this didn't last long. She changed track midway and gave a full twenty minute lecture on how indisciplined we (the students of Tronix) are and how we would be passing this to our children and how it is still not too late to "improve". During the speech, she repeated no less than six times that the Corridor outside our class is not meant for standing and gossiping but for the professors to walk (I am sure somebody must have blocked her way earlier in the day to trigger this talkathon!)

This was followed by the first "Mass Birthday" celebration of the semester wherein we cut one common cake for all classmates whose birthdays fell in the last month or will fall this month. The mandatory "kicking-the-ass-of-the-birthday-boy" ritual (also called Birthday Bumps) attracted one of the many watchmen on the prowl and we got the second "scolding" of the day in less than an hour!

Ofcourse, this was not going to stop us. So, the commotion continued and ten minutes later, an unknown female teacher walked in, once again lecturing us that "classes are going on elsewhere you should go to 'Triangle' (its 'Quadrangle', madam!!) and celebrate birthdays!". At first we thought she was the teacher appointed for us for the 12.15pm lecture and we all settled down quietly but when she walked out after the scolding, it dawned upon us that she was getting disturbed in the adjoining class! This gave us open ground to complete the celebrations.

Enough of partying in the classroom, we headed to the Quadrangle and as expected, within five minutes, a watchman came and tried (in vain) to shoo us away from there, but not before dishing out his dose of lecture on discipline. FOUR back to back admonitions labelling us mischievous and indisciplined!! Now, that's what I call a perfect start to the last semester in college!

This is not all. An impromptu treat thrown in by the birthday guys and girls took us (a herd of no less than 30) to our regular roadside adda, ironically named 'Health' for downing sumptous Cheese Grilled Sandwiches (they taste even better when they are FREE!) Special thanks to Praju and Dharmavarapu Jagannath Venkata Sai Vimal Rao (yeah, that's his REAL name!) for this!

On returning to college, I accomplished the biggest achievement of the semester- got my coveted Railway Concession Form from the lethargic woman in the Admin Office in the first attempt! VJTI students will swear that this certainly deserves an applause!

This was followed by a rowdy get-together in the MuP Lab (our air-conditioned secret hideout where no other students are allowed) with a long outrageously hilarious session of viewing photos from recent class trips. And then came the best part- somebody suggested that we should go out for a one day trip "sometime in near future". A dozen odd ideas flew thick and fast and within thirty minutes, the plan was ready- we shall be going to a farmhouse of one of our classmates- not next month or next week, but tomorrow itself! A phone call here and a sms there and voila! 21 students confirm their participation for the trip in less than 21 minutes!

Before dispersing for the day, the cherry on the cake was Free coffee being served by a Nescafe advertising kiosk set up outside our class as a part of the ongoing inter-college sports festival! The kind of people that we are, somebody actually asked for one coffee "extra-strong" and one "with less sugar." All this at the FREE Coffee stall! The vendor, unable to bear this torture, simply walked away!

This brought to an end a really memorable First Day of Semester and I am sure the days to come will only be better!

Desi C

Genre: Humour

Enough of dominance of English. With the rise of India as a Superpower, it is time to give Hindi the respect it deserves. And for starters, here is my contribution as a responsible engineering student of India- a C Program in Hindi:

#शामिल <आदर्शअनबाह.ह>
खाली मुख्य()
{
पूर्णांक सारणी [५] , ई , ज , अस्थायी ;
(ई = 0 से लेकर ई = ४) के लिए ( ई ++)
{
छापे ( " तत्त्व क्रमांक % ड दाखिल करे: ", ई ) ;
जांचे ( " % ड ", & सारणी [ ई ] ) ;
}
(ई = 0 से लेकर ई = ४) के लिए ( ई ++)
{
(ज = 0 से लेकर ज = ४) के लिए ( ज ++) ;
{
यदि (सारणी [ई] < सारणी [ज])
{
अस्थायी = सारणी [ई] ;
सारणी [ई] = सारणी [ज] ;
सारणी [ज] = अस्थायी ;
}
}
}
(ई = 0 से लेकर ई = ४) के लिए ( ई ++)
{
छापे ( " जवाब हैं : \न " ) ;
छापे ( " %ड \त ", सारणी [ई] ) ;
}
}

PS: All you software engineers and other geeks out there, guess what the program is about!!

Flop Five of 2008

Genre: Blabber

The Five Most Shameful Events of 2008. Let's hope some lessons are learnt from these and we do not see a repeat of it in 2009.

5) Business: Mamta's Roadblock
Vote-hungry Mamta Banerjee's opposition to Tata setting up their mega factory for Nano car in Singur reaching such heights that Tata had to pack up lock stock and barrel left a permanent stain on India in general and West Bengal in particular as being industry-unfriendly state.

4) Entertainment: Lazy Lamhe (Thoda Pyar Thoda Magic)
Agreed there were worse songs than this in the year and worse movies too but this one makes the list for sheer insensitiveness on the part of the director. What the hell was a vulgar cheap song meant solely to show off Amisha Patel's newly acquired figure doing in a Children's Film?? Shame on you, Aditya 'Despo' Chopra. Watch video here.

3) Sports: Harbhajan Singh
Some people just don't learn from their mistakes. After all the brouhaha over Symonds-monkey issue, one expected Harbhajan to mellow down. But it was not to be. He created the most embarassing moment in cricket history by slapping his Team India collaegue S Sreesanth in public after an IPL match. Watch video here.

2) Nation: Note for Vote
We all know how corrupt and shameless our neta-log are but they showed their true colors when they actually brought crores of rupees in bribes right inside the Parliament House making a complete mockery of the Indian Democracy. Watch video here.

1) Politics: RR Patil
This one undobtedly tops the chart- Maharashtra's (now ex) Home Minister RR 'Bargirl' Patil's shocking comment - "Bade Bade sheheron me aise chhote chhote haadse hote rehte hai" describing the 26/11 attacks as a "small incident" made a complete fool of himself and agitated the already angry Mumbaikars eventually leading to his ouster. Watch video here.

Finally a special mention of all Hindi News Channels of India for throwing all rules, ethics and logic to the dogs and flashing every tiny event right from Amitabh Bachchan's re-birth to a black cat climbing onto a roof as "Breaking News". I am sure this will continue way into 2009 as well. If it stops, that would be the biggest Breaking News!